Work at Home Single Mom
June 9, 2008
One of the biggest worries I had when I began my journey as a single mom was that I would have no time to spend with my kids. I could not envision working a 9 to 5 (or worse yet a 2nd or 3rd shift) job and needing to put the children into daycare for several hours after school and for a major portion of their summer time days.
I learned about being a Virtual Assistant through an article that was written about Becki Noles of Virtual Accuracy. After reading this article I decided this was just what I wanted in order to be able to be a single mom and still have plenty of time to spend with my kids. A short while after starting my own Virtual Assistant business (Expert Business Results) I joined the Virtual Assistant Revolution . This online forum is a wonderful resource for Virtual Assistants to learn from each other and build their businesses.
My business is now three years old and I have been thoroughly enjoying the time I have been able to have with my kids.
I have to admit though that there are days when I wonder if I am doing the best thing for them since money is often a bit tight. A lot of families today are barely making it on two incomes and here I am working from home supporting a family of 5 on just my income. This past weekend my step-dad was telling me all about his son and daughter-in-law sending their daughter for horseback riding lessons and how she was going to be riding in the fair this year. I couldn’t even begin to think about something that extravagant for even one of my children. It actually made me cry to think that maybe I was being selfish in staying home and fulfilling my dream of being a stay-at-home, single mom and caring for my children. I finally reached the point where I had to find out about the children’s feelings and what they wanted. I was fully prepared to go out job hunting today if even one of them gave me the word.
I started by asking the children to write a list of things they would want to have if money was no object. They could have anything on that list that they absolutely ever thought about having. Surprisingly enough to me their lists were relatively short. My daughter wanted a better MP3 player that actually worked all the time
I told them that I was going to go out and start looking for a job and that they would be going to daycare while I went to work. I was amazed at how fast those lists disappeared and the whining began. Absolutely NOT was the unanimous response; to them the privilege of being able to stay home and be with me and their friends was worth more to them than any of the things they could possibly want. They started coming up with ideas of their own about how they could (1) get those things on their own and (2) if mommy really needed it how they could earn extra to help pay the bills.
I guess I’ve done pretty good so far with these kids — I remember being raised by my single dad and we didn’t get as many things as he would have liked to provide for us. But I know that I would have most likely sacrificed a whole lot if he could have spent less time at work and more time with us.
Tips for Working Single Moms
June 4, 2008
AS a single mom it’s just unbeleivable the balancing act that I have to go through every day. Dealing with work, chores, discipline, multiple schedules, and usually a whole lot more. Here are a few tips that help me and may be able to help you too.
Set Your Boundaries
This applies to both work and home; when you walk out the door at work that’s the end of your work day. Work issues and problems don’t have a place at home. Being a single mom who operates a home-based business I’m fully aware that this isn’t always easy to do. I also know that at times the things that happen with my work and my clients can make me really crabby and on-edge at the end of the day and then this carries over to how I deal with the kids. My work day ends as I’m walking out the door to pick the kids up from school so I don’t have a buffer of time that I can use to wind down before being bombarded with their excitement from their day. What I try to do with them is to let each of them have a few minutes of time to tell me what exciting thing happened with them at school and instead of dealing with all their school papers they pile them in a basket in the kitchen by the back door. This way I can deal with their papers at a time that’s convenient for me and they can pick them up again as they are packing their backpacks in the evening. After I spend some time with the kids they have their after-school lists to complete and then they are “free” to play outside with their friends. This give me some time to unwind and put myself in a better frame of mind to deal with the evening.
Setting boundaries in the house for the children involves establishing routines for them and being very clear about what I expect such as doing homework before playing outside, no overnight visitors on school nights, laundry put away before bed, and etc. It’s important for single moms to set these boundaries for their children in order to keep a sense of order in their homes.
Pick Your Battles
There are definitely some things that my children do that I don’t like but don’t violate any house rules; I’ve decided that I just have to bite my tongue at some of these things and let them pass. I can’t create a rule and pass discipline for every little thing. For example my 7 year old son loves to create a variety of craft projects. When he gets ready to begin his creations he digs out every single art supply we have in the drawer and dumps them all out on the table and makes a huge mess. It drives me nuts to see all that stuff all over but I’ve decided that as long as he picks everything up and makes sure that anything that fell on the floor is cleaned up as well I let him make as much of a mess as he wants. Another major issue in our house is bedtime. My children will not go to bed when told and stay in bed. So I’ve decided that once I send them to their rooms (which are all upstairs) that for the first half hour after they are sent to bed they can play, read, or color quietly with each other wherever they want as long as they stay upstairs. After the first half-hour I make them stay in their beds where they can read or color for another fifteen minutes. After that it’s lights out and quiet. This compromise has made a big difference in our bedtime battles; the children no longer fight with me over their bedtime.
Create Balance
As a single working mom it’s really difficult to find time to spend having fun with the kids and no focus on all the stuff that needs to be done like chores, homework, doctors visits, and so on. Find time each week to do something fun with your kids; when you neglect their need for leisure time with you they start to feel resentful and display behaviors that you don’t like. Kids need to spend fun time with you and as a single mom this should be one of your priorities. Fun time doesn’t have to be an expensive outing it can be something as simple as a walk in the park, bike riding, or even visiting some fun children’s website. Check out my free e-book 118 Fun Things to do with Your Kids to jumpstart your creativity and get some ideas for things to do with your kids.
Being a single working mom is definitely not an easy task but it can be accomplished. There are sure to be times when you feel guilty that you can’t offer your kids more but instead of letting it get you down use that guilt as a springboard to help you move forward in a new direction. Kids are quite resilient and forgiving; just keep doing your best with them and they will surely appreciate the love and effort you put into creating a better environment for them.
